Maximally EPIC!
by Clouded Rage
Summary: Iggy and Fang find their relationship failing after they discover an unacceptable difference about one another. Iggy is on team Jacob, and Fang is on team Edward. Will a sexy vampire and shirtless werewolf really tear them apart?
1. Chapter 1

****

A/N: HELLO MY LITTLE RAINBOWS AND GUMDROPS! The story contains Figgy, NO FAX! GET OVER IT! Cough cough, ooooookay the Figgyness comes later, but this chapter's like the "opener". I'm just going to say this is my first story not counting my OTHER first story, because that one was a mess. Not a hot mess, I _literally_ mean a crap flying everywhere mess. It's crap, doesn't count. So review and ENJOY!

* * *

After six hours of flying over the pacific, the flock tiredly descended into Arizona on Max's orders. They had not been to see Dr. Martinez in almost a year now, and since it was nearing Thanksgiving they felt it was only fitting to bless her with their presence.

"Try to be quiet." Max whispered, as the flock crept closer to the sleeping house. It was one in the morning and Max felt it would be rude to awaken her half sister and mother with obnoxiously loud footsteps and chatter the flock was so prone to.

Max twisted the door knob, but the door did not open. She tried again, this time slamming her full weight against the door with a loud thud. The door remained closed.

"Its locked!" Max whispered exasperated. Why did her mom lock the door? What a stupid thing to do! Hell! She was Maximum Ride, and her own mother was trying to keep her out of the house! Max huffed and made a sudden spring at the long window that ran the height of the door. It shattered, every piece of glass hitting the floor with an extra eruption of noise.

"Max!" Nudge shouted, her hand was on the door knob of the now open door. Max stared wide eyed at Nudge. "How did you do that?" She screeched.

Nudge shrugged, "you were turning it the wrong way." Before Max could respond, a loud thudding could be heard as someone came down the stairs. Dr. Martinez was soon visible at the end of the stair case, machine gun in hand.

"Shit." Was all Max said before Dr, Martinez started firing rapidly at them. "You no good lousy hooligans!" She grunted, as the entire flock took cover behind Angel. "Mom! Stop shooting! Its us!" Max struggled to be heard over the continuous bang of gun fire. But eventually Dr. Martinez lowered her weapon, a little too reluctantly Max couldn't help but notice. "Not much of a difference anyway." Dr. M. grumbled, motioning them to follow her into the kitchen. They followed silently, stepping out from behind the terrified and slightly bloody Angel.

After eating some stale bread kindly provided by Dr. Martinez, the question Max had been hoping would not be asked, was. "So what happened to my window?" Dr. M asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

_ Damn! _What was she supposed to do? Make up some random excuse involving forks and Obama? No, she would tell her mom something even more crazy, so crazy it might just work. After an intense five minutes of stare downs between her, her mom, and the rest of the flock, Max stood suddenly. "IGGY DID IT!" She yelled pointing at Iggy.

Dr. Martinez stood up and launched herself at Iggy screaming, "YOU SHIT! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" She began hitting him with the nearest weapon she could find, which happened to be a baseball bat. Iggy struggled to push off his attacker, but it was no use. There was no way of overpowering a pissed women going through menopause.

Max gestured for the flock to leave the room after her, only saying one thing in an attempt to help Iggy. "Try not to kill him, Mom." Her mother replied with a grunt, Max imagined that that meant okay.

* * *

****

A/N: Just in case you somehow forgot my last author's note in this very short chapter, I wanted to remind you to REVIEW! Plus I'm sorry that the chapter was so short, but look on the bright side! At least there is less of a chance to forget my other author's note in such a short read! So technically you should be flattered I'm thinking of you instead of writing greedy amounts.


	2. Jeb looks like a striper!

****

A/N: Hello everybody! Can I tell you a secret? I luuuuuvs you all! Some more than others though. And don't get mad because I'm choosing favorites! You'll be my favorite once you review! Until then you are doomed to remain in exile, with only a French speaking monkey to keep you company. Which isn't much, may I remind those of you who don't speak French. Yeah, I'm way better than a French monkey, no matter how good it is at playing the clarinet! Anyway, enough about monkeys, thanks to all of you who reviewed. I loves you like a panda! Those of you who didn't, I still love you, but you better sleep with one eye open, because I have a sludge hammer and darts. :D And no, that was not a threat, it was a promise! Bwahahaha! So please review and enjoy.

* * *

After about an hour of disturbing shrieks coming from the kitchen had passed, Max heard the unmistakable sound of someone angry coming down the stairs.

"MAW! WHAT THE FRICK IS GOW-IN OWNE DOWN THAR!" Ella yelled, while adjusting her chest high pants. She smelt heavily of cigarettes and dog crap.

"Hi Ella!" Max came up to hug her, "F OFF, MACK!" Ella responded bitterly, leaving Max standing alone in her wake. "Um, its Max." She corrected, but her half sister was already in the kitchen.

Max tried to avoid following Ella into the kitchen, but curiosity got the better of her, and she went in anyway, followed by the rest of the flock. In the kitchen they found Iggy on the floor motionless. His face covered in gashes and cuts.

"Is he d-dead? Fang stuttered, if she hadn't known him better, Max would have thought he was on the verge of tears.

"There's only one way to find out." Max paused, as she dramatically looked up at the ceiling. The flock followed her gaze, confused at what she was staring at. But then before anyone could blink, Max jerked her foot, and landed it with perfect power and precision into Iggy's groin. He let out a howl, as he twisted into a fetal position. Slowly rocking back and forth he began to sob like an unstable teenage girl.

Fang crouched down next to him, gently stroking his cheek and muttering soothing words. When Iggy finally stopped crying, Fang scooped him up, holding him a few moments before setting him on his feet.

"I think he's alive!" Gazzy exclaimed. "No shit, Gazzy." Nudge snorted.

Then the flock just stood there in awkward silence for a few moments until someone coughed which made it twice as awkward. Luckily the moment didn't last long, the door bell rang. Relieved at the chance to leave the room, Max left to answer the door.

After struggling a few moments with the door knob, she managed to get it open. On the porch stood a tall, muscular man, about in his twenties. His shirt was off, but to Max's relief he was wearing pants.

"Sorry we didn't order a striper." Max began to close the door, but was pushed aside by her mother. "Max!" She hissed. "This is Jeb! And he is _not _a striper!"

"Then what _is_ he?" Max asked appalled.

"My boyfriend!" Her mom answered. Max stood there gaping mouthed. Her mom was like fifty seven, and she was dating a guy in his twenties!

"_Ewww!" _Angel shrilled from behind. "Are you a _Cougar_?

"No!" Dr. M. answered clearly embarrassed. She was now leaning on Jeb's chest, arms around his abdomen. "Anyway… Jeb and I are going on a joy ride, if any of you guys need anything, the alcohol is in the fridge." Jeb then picked her up and they both rode off together on a white hoarse.

"I'm gonna puke!" Nudge announced, looking a bit green. "Yeah that was gross, I don't blame you." Max replied. "What no! I didn't think that was gross. If anything it was sweet, I just said I was going to throw up." Nudge turned around a skipped happily to the bathroom. "Hahahahahahaha, anorexic!" Angel coughed.

Max put her head in her hands. She had dealt with being hunted for years, being an experiment, and being tortured, but now she would have to deal with eating disorders too? _Peachy! _She sighed and went into the kitchen for some beer. As if just to prove to her that her life was too hard, Ella had taken the last beer, and all that was left in the fridge now, was some crappy liquor. _"Grrr!" _She grabbed the bottle in a rush of anger and began swigging the entire thing down.

* * *

**A/N: Do you mind if I brag to all of you that this chapter is longer then the last one? Well too bad I don't care if you mind, HAHAHAHAHA this chapter is longer than the last one! But it is still kind of short, at least you know I still love you guys! _May the force be with you!_**


End file.
